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Whatever Happened To La Chiesa?













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It is the question on everybodys lips... what the hell has happened to La Chiesa Del Corno? One minute they were flying high in the upper echelons of the Corinthian League Division Three, the next they seem to have mysteriously disappeared from the non league scene altogether. Amid incredible scenes at the latest Corinthian League meeting, the famous LC/DC's name was not one of those read out to form the constitution for the 2006/07 season. League Secretary Stan Hamilton was openly weeping at the news, while the usually ice cool Barrie Fox was headbutting his desk and yelling 'NO! NO! NO!' until ambulancemen restrained him and drove him back to Hornchurch. Even strict tee totaller Peter George was seen to have rushed to the bar and order a Double Whiskey with a Brandy chaser when the rumours were confirmed.
 
Hamilton choked back the tears to deliver this moving epitaph to the stunned audience...
 
"Bored, middle-aged soccer stars, under stress, sexually- frustrated, tired and weary of the rat-race, La Chiesa were heroes for millions of similar-suffering people in the early 21st Century; people who,  just like La Chiesa, lived in the commuter-belt suburbia around a major town, who travelled on the same train every morning, sat opposite the same faces, trudged down the same roads and around the same corners to their dreary office blocks or factories. Chiesa lived in the town of Hornchurch, and played in The Essex Sunday Corinthian League, their self-important and tyrannical boss had the mysterious name of S.K Their players and fans almost matched Chiesa for eccentricity, but the whole combined to make one of the most fondly-remembered football teams of  all time"  
 
But where is La Chiesa now? What is he up to? Is he seeing someone else? Hey what have other leagues got that the Corinthian doesn't? Oh I wonder where you are/ and I wonder what you do/ are you somewhere feeling lonely?/ Or is someone organising a friendly with you???
 
There are conflicting news reports as to the reason for the sad end of this era, below are six.... one of them is true, five are false... feel free to choose whichever one best helps you cope with.... THE DEMISE OF LA CHIESA!! 
 
 
 








































Dont sign John just get outta there!

 
2006: La Chiesa shot dead
Former football team La Chiesa has been shot dead by an unknown gunman who opened fire outside the sportsman's Upminster apartment.

The 3-year-old was shot several times as he entered the building, his luxury apartment building on Havering's Upper West Side, opposite Upminster Park, at 2300 local time. He was rushed in a police car to Oldchurch Hospital, where he died. His wife, Oko Poko, who is understood to have witnessed the attack, was with him.

Shots heard

A police spokesman said a suspect was in custody, but he had no other details of the shooting."This was no robbery," the spokesman said, adding that La Chiesa was probably shot by a "deranged" person. Witness reports say at least three shots were fired and others have claimed they heard six. There are also reports La Chiesa staggered up six steps into the vestibule after he was shot, before collapsing.

Dennis Peck, Chiesa's Secretary, said he and LC/DC had been at a studio called the Record Plant in mid-town earlier in the evening and Chiesa left at 2230. La Chiesa said he planned to have some dinner and then return home, Mr Peck said.

Fans at scene

The Chiesa's are said to have left their limousine on the street and walked up the driveway when the gunman opened fire. It is unclear whether the man had been lying in wait in the entrance to the building for Chiesa, or whether he came up behind him.

Witnesses describe the gunman as a "pudgy kind of man", 35 to 40 years old with brown hair.Other former members, Danny Hardwick, guitarist George Harrison and Benny Gillham are thought to have been informed of Chiesa's murder.

Fans have already begun arriving at the scene, many still unaware Chiesa has died. La Chiesa is survived by his wife, their son Sean, and his son from a previous marriage, Julian.

An old nickname comes back to haunt me

 
Police hunt Chiesa's kidnappers
A nationwide hunt for 2005 Arthur Atkinson Cup Runners Up  La Chiesa Del Corno has begun in Ireland. The sixteen prize stallions were kidnapped last night from apartments in East London owned by the Aga Khan and his family for 60 years.

The unidentified kidnappers - numbering at least six - told head coach Dave Knowles they would telephone a ransom demand by lunchtime today but have still made no contact. Their trainer Knowles said: "Chiesa was the best side I have ever trained and I only hope to God nothing happens to them."

Nicknamed "Chiesa the absolute legends", they have been valued by Lloyds of London at £100 million at stud and carried an insurance premium of £3 million when they were in competition.

An all Hornchurch side with a distinctive red and black kit, La Chiesa were named European Sunday Morning side of the year in 2006 and retired from playing that June.

Studs

They are owned by a syndicate including Islamic leader the Aga Khan.The breeding season starts in a week's time and the Chiesa squad were due to start their fourth month as studs - to mate with up to 550 birds between them.

So far their fertility rate has been impressive as 42 of the chicks they nailed last month are in the club and another has already given birth.

The kidnap - the first of its kind in London - began when two armed and masked men burst into the flats at the Cottons Park Stud RM1. The raiders then locked  the Aga Khans family in a downstairs room before forcing them - at gunpoint - to release Chiesa from their cribs.Then they pushed the team and head coach into a horsebox and drove off.

Mr Khan was released four hours later and 40 miles away from the studs cribs. Detectives questioned him for several hours before putting listening devices in his home in preparation for further contact from the kidnappers. The kidnappers are believed to be forcing the team to 'mate' with top models - the combination of good looks and footballing prowess meaning the offspring will be highly sought after by Mega Rich Arabs who cannot have children of their own






This is the end.. beautiful team

2006: Soccer Star La Chiesa Found Dead

La Chiesa, the leading team in the Essex Corinthian League has died in Paris aged 3. He was found in a bathtub at his apartment at 17 Rue Beautraillis by his girlfriend, Pamela Courson. A doctor's report stated the cause of death was heart failure aggravated by heavy drinking. The rest of the team - inclusding Jonny Gray, guitarist Robbie Krieger and Steve McCarthy - are currently in the United States.

La Chiesa, also known as the LC/DC, was born in Hornchurch in 1943, the son of a US Navy admiral. They formed in 1965 in Los Angeles. They had come up with the name after reading Aldous Huxley's account of drug experiences, Hornchurch United.

Before his move to Paris, Chiesa had been talking about quitting the non league football scene to concetrate on poetry and film. With a police case for lewd behaviour hanging over him, LC/DC had become more and more dependent on alcohol and drugs, and his move to Paris was hoped by many to be a 'new start'. Unfortunately on that fateful night, La Chiesa is believed to have mistaken his girlfriends Heroin for Cocaine and OD'd. Placed in a hot bath to revive him, Chiesa suffered a massive heart attack and died. 

Many fans believe the whole death story to be a hoax as Chiesa had many times threatened to fake his own death and flee to Africa to live under the assumed name 'Mansard Rovers' 

Hands up who prefers Camilla???!!!

La Chiesa dies in Paris crash

Chiesa, Princes of Hornchurch, have died after a car crash in Paris.

They were taken to hospital in the early hours of Sunday morning where surgeons tried for two hours to save her life but they died at 0300 BST. In a statement Buckingham Palace said the Queen and the Prince of Wales were "deeply shocked and distressed".

Prince Charles broke the news of their favourite team's death to Princes William and Harry at Balmoral Castle in Scotland where the royal family had been spending the summer.

The accident happened after the team left the Ritz Hotel in the French capital with their companions, known as WAG's - mainly supermodels or wannabe pop divas.

Criminal investigation

The WAG's and the vehicle's driver were also killed in the collision in a tunnel under the Place de l'Alma in the centre of the city.

The teams' Mercedes car was apparently being pursued at high speed by photographers on motorbikes when it hit a pillar and smashed into a wall. The WAG's and the chauffeur died at the scene but the players and their bodyguards were cut from the wreckage and rushed to hospital.

The French authorities have begun a criminal investigation and are questioning seven photographers.Tributes to the players have been pouring in from around the world. Speaking from his home in Wanstead, the team's biggest fan, Onur from Esprit, said La Chiesa had been "unique".

While it was not the time for recriminations there was no doubt the press had played a part in their death, the fellow Corinthian League Manager added. Hundreds of mourners have gathered at the players Romford home, Cottons Park and many have laid flowers at the gates






We´ve all had Reggie moments havent we??

Mid Life Crisis for La Chiesa
 
This innovative Corinthian League team, La Chiesa Del Corno, had as its central character a man falling headlong into the calamity of mid-life-crisis. The website took a light hearted swipe at Sunday Morning bovver boys and over fussy league officials. 

La Chiesa had played in the same boring league for 3 years. Every Sunday he left his boring Upminster home, took the same boring journey, arrived at his boring pitch (always eleven minutes late), and was greeted by his boring team mates who he dreamed of having an affair with.

His career was going nowhere and he was constantly browbeaten by  overbearing referees who were forever offering advice beginning with "I didn't get where I am today . . . " until it all became too much for La Chiesa and he drove himself to the seaside, threw off his clothes and faked his own suicide in order to start a new life. 

Following a spell of wandering around Britain and picking up odd jobs, such as a labourer on a pig farm, Chiesa returned to suburbia in the guise of Mansard Rovers, remarried team mates, and set up a chain of shops called LC/DC, which specialized in useless objects such as LC/DC t-shirts. 

Lets admit it, we ALL fancied Daphne...

La Chiesa Unmasked!

Notorious Sunday morning soccer side La Chiesa Del Corno has sensationally been revealed as no more than a bitter amusement arcade attendant by a gang of adolescent detectives and a talking Great Dane.
 
La Chiesa had been terrorising the Essex Football community under the guise of an all mates Sunday morning side since forming in 2003. The “detectives“ first caught sight of them at Coopers in Upminster early 2004 whilst watching a run of the mill league match versus Astra from the Mystery Machine, but saw nothing sinister in the 4-3 beating of a soon to be promoted rival.
 
But Chiesa were dropping signs of wrong doing all over the place. Late kick offs, result cards not being sent in, balls not being pumped (whoops pardon) and Velma, the league secretary, was becoming suspicious...
 
Then, one night, after Chiesa had chased Norville Rogers and his faithful dog around a deserted castle while Fred & Daphne were at it in the khazi, Velma pieced together all the clues that she had found along the way... the stylish haircuts, the sexy football, the professional looking kit... it didnt add up - La Chiesa just weren“t like any other side in the Essex Sunday Corinthian League. Acting on instinct, and thanks to some accidental good fortune from Scoobert and Shaggy, Velma had Chiesa cornered and took their mask off to reveal...
 
OLD MAN WITHERS FROM THE AMUSEMENT ARCADE!
 
Bah!
 
...and we wouldve gotten away with it if it hadntve been for those meddling kids!