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In a Parallel Universe...
...La Chiesa means something completely different. Of course, to the majority
of people in the western world, the words La Chiesa are synonomous with beautiful football, sophisticated hairstyles, and
general boatiness, but talk to certain people in Italy and they would have you believing it was something to do with the Catholic
Church! Mention La Chiesa to a progressive rock fan, and they will assume you are referring to Keith Emersons eerie and atmospheric
soundtrack to the 1988 movie! Heavens Above! Below are links to a couple of 'other' La Chiesa's....(21.02.06)
Catholic Church????
Emerson Rocks!
Maze send me to sleep...
ARSENAL’S Cesc Fabregas last night told Maze:
You’re so boring, you send me to sleep.
And he insists Kevin Hagland’s men are facing Corinthian League disaster
against Barking Colts.
Fabregas rapped: “If you watch Maze they play such boring football
you could doze off. I watch Barking on TV quite regularly and it’s easy to enjoy — Maze may be effective
but they play boring football.”
The comments come at the end of a week in which Maze have hammered
La Chiesa in the press for not giving them enough credit for the quality of their football. (17.12.06)
Unrefusable Offers...
Chiesa have had admin problems right from the start. The pressures of playing
in and managing the side, plus the upkeep of an award winning website are traumatic enough without the added pleasure
of phoning results in, confirming referees etc etc... One day Dennis Peck offered to take over the paperwork/fines
side of the team after a fine for missing a league meeting was doubled, along with an additional rap for a late
kick off, not to mention a little extra for the management to 'wet their beaks'...
JEFFERS [in Italian] 600 bucks -- suppose we don't pay?
KNOWLES [in Italian] You know his gang, - real animals. TOM WALKER lets BARRIE FOX work this
neighborhood. He's got connections with the cops, too. We have to pay him. $200 each -- everybody agreed?
[While KNOWLES
was talking, PECK set down with spaghetti in front of him.]
PECK [in Italian] Why do we have to pay
him?
KNOWLES [in Italian] Peck, leave this to us.
PECK [in Italian]He's one person, we're
fifteen. Why should we give him the money we sweated for?
KNOWLES [in Italian] This is his neighborhood!
PECK [in Italian] I know two Premier League sides who don't give anything to FOX.
KNOWLES[in Italian]
Who?
PECK [in Italian] Uh -- Plaistow Sporting from the East End -- and Toby. They don't pay FOX.
JEFFERS
[in Italian]If they don't pay FOX, they pay somebody else who collects for STAN HAMILTON!
KNOWLES[in Italian] We'll all be better off if we pay him. Don't worry.
[PECK walks over and gets his spaghetti.]
PECK [in Italian] Now what I say stays in this room.
If you both like, why not give me $50 each to pay FOX? I guarantee he'll accept what I give him.
JEFFERS[in Italian] If FOX says $200 -- he means it, PECK
PECK [in Italian] I'll reason with him. Leave everything to me. I'll take
care of everything. I never lie to my friends. Tomorrow you both go talk to FOX. He'll ask for the money. Tell him you'll
pay whatever he wants. Don't argue with him. I'll go and get him to agree. Don't argue with him since he's so tough.
KNOWLES[in Italian] How can you get him to take less?
PECK
[in Italian] That's my business. Just remember that I did you a favor. Is it a deal?
JEFFERS Si.
[PECK holds up his glass.]
PECK Salute.
JEFFERS Salute
(29.12.05)
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Get The Landing Net, I Think We've Hooked A Big 'Un...
Remember at school when there was that one kid who got all the girls, looked
effortlessly cool, and seemingly had no insecurities whatsoever? You ended up subconsciously copying him - his clothes,
the way he wore his hair, his match reports, his player profiles, the club history etc etc
Then there were the girls you fancied. A common pre pubescent
tactic was to slag off the one you really had the hots for, too uncomfortable to show your true feelings to the one you are
unable to stop thinking or talking about... ah such innocent days!
Back then you used to take the bait when the wittier kids around would
goad you, and the more you fell for it, the more they did it. Sometimes you'd fall for the same joke time and time again.
But then it got too easy and they'd have to stop...
By the way, has anyone checked out the messageboard on www.mazefc.co.uk ? THEY'RE saying some mean things about us on THEIR website!... Click on the link and see for yourself, but be careful, some
pretty fucking awful language awaits you on THERE! (21.02.06)
PS, please hover on the above picture...
Enough Of The Excuses Arsene...
Let me get one thing straight right from the start... I love Arsene
Wenger as much as any Arsenal fan on earth. He has transformed the Gunners from a efficient but boring team of journeymen
into one of the most exciting and successful teams in Europe. If he walked out tomorrow, as long as it were not to another
English club, I would cry like a girl but still say 'Merci et Bonne Chance M Wenger!'... yet his
reaction to the latest defeat, away at Anfield, angers me...
"What can I say? We have lost another away game 1-0 and it is happening
too often," he said, "We had possession and were punished when we gave it away. It was all down to long balls in
the end and that is difficult to take."
It was the same after defeats at Bolton and Everton...
Deal with it! You dont get points for artistic merit in football Arsene, its about putting the ball in the back of the net...
If you get beat, its no use sitting there accusing the opposition over their tactics, if we're that good we
should just roll them over anyway... Mon dieu! If there's one thing we dont tolerate at Chiesa it is whingeing after a bad
result... (15.02.06)
Copycats Abounding!
Here at Chiesa Towers, we are getting a little fed up with imposters using our
ideas without even a little footnote acknowledging the plaigarism... Come on, you know who you are!!! But joking
aside, it takes the biscuit when one of Europes top coaches infiltrates the LC/DC hard drive to steal our tactics... Click
the links below to read Jose Mourinho's detailed analysis of how to break down Newcastle...Almost word for word the same as
the notes our own backroom staff made ahead of the game with Digital Line... All they did was change the names!
All that hard work just for somebody to come along and steal it... GRRRR! Calm down, take a tablet, repeat after me...
'Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery', 'Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...' (30.12.05)
How to get at the Geordies
Geordies Defensive Vulnerability
Set Pieces
Other Gobbledegook!
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See How they Massacred My Team...
Sometimes an argument can drag on for so long that the comments that caused
the row are forgotten in the desperation to win mini battles and score points. Before it comes down to 'my Dads
bigger than your Dad' style silliness, a line must be drawn, you have look from the outsiders point of view... it can get a
little childish don't you agree? This is how the latest episode of the war of words we find ourselves in was received...
The Gaffers office at night where Cy Taylor is somberly having
a drink. A slow, somber version of 'I Believe In A Thing Called Love' is heard. The Gaffer enters...
SAM (holding out his hand for Cy's drink) Give me a drop...(then, after
sipping the drink and handing it back to Cy) My wife is crying
upstairs. I hear cars coming to the house. Soul Provider of mine, I think you should tell your Player/Manager
what everyone seems to know...
CY Ah, I didn't tell Mama anything. I was about to
come up and wake you just now and tell you...
SAM But you needed a drink first.
CY (shaking his head, then says quietly) Yup...
SAM Well,
now you've had your drink.
CY (his voice breaking) They said nasty things
about you on the messageboard.
SAM (exhales, bows his head;
physically shaken and weakened) I want no inquiries made. I want no acts of vengeance. I want you to arrange a
meeting, with the heads of the Corinthian League. This war stops now.
[The Gaffer, weakly standing, goes
to embrace Cy. Then he begins to exit]
SAM Call Onur from
Esprit -- we need him now.
(22.02.06)
Peck Reveals Pride At Matching Idols Feat...
What seems like an age ago, but was in fact just over a fortnight back,
Dennis Peck broke La Chiesa's scoring record for a single match when he banged in SIX in our win at Digital Line. When our
reporters caught up with Dennis after the match he revealed he had fulfilled a childhood dream when the the net
bulged for the sixth time.. " My favourite player and all time footballing hero hit six in a match once, and its always been
my ambition to match that amazing feat" gushed every housewives favourite redhead. Thierry Henry? Ian Wright?? Martin
Hayes???? Who was this legendary performer? "None of the above" continued Peck, " It's Frankie Bunn of course, he hit
Scarbrough for six in a Littlewoods cup tie in Autumn 1989, and has been my absolute hero ever since. Everything about him
just oozed class - the way he dealt with the press, the dignified manner he kept when his rocky marriage was on the front
pages of every tabloid... just a wonderful, wonderful man" (15.02.06)
Hey Pauli!
At last we have found our soulmates... fellow outsiders who have grouped
together and discovered happiness in numbers... A club who like to bend the rules, free thinkers who say 'What the hey'
to the establishment... Brown and white shirts, Nazi hating underdogs, who wouldn't want to be a fan of St Pauli? Anyone
for Hamburg??? (24.01.06)
The Times' article on St Pauli
St Pauli's website
Williams Is At It AGAIN!!!
Fine bunch of lookers that the lads at LC/DC are (see player profiles),
there is only one member of the squad that has any proof that he has ever got his leg over! Sure, there are many stories about
legendary one night stands and girls (never spotted) that are being taken out for dinner, but young Alfie Williams stands
as the only LC/DC offspring...until now!! And its Williams again! The beautiful Jo is three months gone and completes a 1-2
for the Family Williams in the race to give birth... IS HE THE ONLY ONE IN THE TEAM WITH ANY LEAD IN HIS PENCIL??? OR
IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME LADS????? (30.12.05)
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