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Are the Ladz an Absolute Certainty???
Who hasn't had it up to here with the the whining of John McCririck in
the Big Brother Z-list Celebrity House??? Well after grinding my teeth through five minutes of over rated, over discussed
television for simpletons, I could stand no more and instead watched a tape of my girlfriend shagging another bloke,
then popped to the dentists for some unnecessary root canal treatment - made me feel a lot better...
On the way home I got to thinking how Bookmakers would bet on the Corinthian
League Division Three Championship Race. Imagine my surprise when I went into my/local Ladbrokes and found Ladzio were 7/2
ON favourites to lift the trophy, with Chiesa third in at a staggering 10/1. Naturally I had £770 to win £220 on Ladzio!
A more interesting heat is betting WITHOUT Ladzio. The Magic Sign make it a three way go between those vile Hammers of Woodford
(11/8), the boat races of La Chiesa (7/4) and the Dagenham Savages that are May & Bakers (9/4). Betting
is updated on the Stats page after each round of matches. Who's your money on???? (11.01.05)
Banter Aid..
Regular readers have been bemoaning the lack of banter on the site recently.
Obviously some people are more put out than others, but imagine our surprise when we received a letter from none other than
Sir Bob Geldof! Sir Bob has never been one to sit by and let things annoy him, so, annoyed by the serious lack of crap jokes,
he wrote...
"Lads, this situation has GOT TO STOP! We don't realise how lucky we are
sometimes, but there is a SERIOUS LACK OF BANTER ON THIS PAGE! There are people out there literally DOIYING through
lack of banter! So what Oim saying to you is, dont just sit there, get off your arse, get out of your armchair, AND JUST GIVE
US YOUR FUCKING BANTER!'
Calm down Bob - there are people dying in Africa... (21.12.04)
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Fortress No More...
... Hector's No More, Mason's No More, Rugger No More; Groundsman
Wally No More, Pavillion No Moroo-ore, Walk Home No More, Pompous Landlords no more... No great football club stands still
for too long, it is rare that the first couple of years are remembered in the great scheme of things. Did you know, for instance
that the finest club in the country started off in South London as Dial Square, using prefixes such as Woolwich, and Royal
before settling on The Arsenal and making Highbury their spiritual home. So it is with La Chiesa. After eighteen months
at Coopers, we have reached the point where we are unable to see eye to eye with our landlords, and must move
on with immediate effect. Have you ever noticed how people who spend their entire lives in schools have a particularly annoying,
pompous attitude in conversation? As if they lack the intelligence to speak with adults in a different manner to the
one they adopt when talking down to children? Belligerent ghouls if ever there were... (05.02.05)
Reflections...
Cast your mind back a year. In the last match before Christmas 2003, La
Chiesa Del Corno had been humbled 4-1 away at Esprit. They had one point from six league games. They were out of all cup competitions.
Manger Samuel Knowles left the field of play that afternoon close to tears... Had he been a fool to expect anymore than a
kickabout with his mates? Did he really believe that the team could win football matches as well?? Back then it was easy to
come up with hopeful 'spin' on the website, promising players and fans alike that everything was going to be OK - it was the
only thing that kept us from insanity in the dark times. As we all know, 2004 heralded a change in fortune for the boys from
the Church of the Horn - Twenty two matches have been played, with sixteen victories and just six defeats. But the banter
has stopped and people complain! Well, I am sorry, i guess self deprecating humour is hard to come up with when you
are as successful as the LC/DC! (21.12.04)
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'There are a few people who I can't leave the stage without thanking....'
Fittingly in Oscar week, we cannot go any further without mentioning a
few people without whom all this would not be possible. Cruelly left without a home by their mean Landlords at Coopers
Poor Mans Grammar School for Snobs, Chiesa have had to rely on the kindness of others to get our fixtures played recently.
Much as we have had fun at the expense of Corinthian League in the past, we must acknowledge the sterling efforts of Barrie
Fox and, in particular, Stan 'The Man' Hamilton, who have phoned around for us to find pitches to play our fixtures.
Also a mention to Billet Uplands, who offered the use of their pitch at the Power League a couple of weeks ago, Darren of
Berwick Manor, and our old mate Onur from Esprit, who came through for us this week. Oh it's all too much for me,
sniff, snivel, I'm so happy! (28.02.05)
You Couldn't Make It Up...
The Postman with the unenviable job of posting letters at Chiesa
Towers has been very busy this week. Not only did he deliver Sir Bob's rant, but an anonymous letter from an inside source at
the Corinthian League revealing a memo, concerning Christmas expenses among other things, that was surely not meant for
LC/DC eyes...
'....Section XVI (a) League Meetings - Tell the team's manager that
if they cannot make the meeting, 'just let us know and you we will not fine you'. Advertise your email address on the league
website. When a club rep emails to let you know of intended absence DO NOT READ THE EMAIL. After meeting, fine club £20 for
non attendance - New hairdo for the missus PAID
Section XVI (b) League Meetings Pt II - Should a club rep arrive at a meeting
but have to leave due to a call from work, his job, the thing he does to pay the mortgage, without which he would be out on
the street, DO NOT TAKE THIS INTO CONSIDERATION - Send letter to Club sec. 'you have broken law blah blah blah...' Fine £20
- Bottle of Scotch for Captain of the Golf Club - PAID
Section XVII. Result Cards - When refereeing a match, should a team fail
to have a result card on them, offer them a spare that you have in the car and tell them not to worry. IMPORTANT - ensure
that he card has the WRONG address on it. When the card fails to arrive, fine the club £10 - Christmas present for Sister
in Law you don't like - PAID
Section XVIII. Phone Results - If a club rep has lost his mobile with
all League numbers on it, and phones up after four o clock Sunday having trawled through the Phone Book for your
number, EVEN IF YOU ALREADY KNOW THE RESULT, fine the club a fiver, no, make it £7.50 - Cab home from the Office Christmas
do - PAID..."
I could go on - Mind how you go! (21.12.04)
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