As early as the first minute the team in Orange could have taken the lead. Steve McCarthy, overawed by being on the same pitch as some of his footballing heroes, underhit a backpass and Danny Steel was onto it in a flash only for his clever lob to narrowly clear the bar. Hard luck Danny!

 

In the next Maze attack Steel had a goal ridiculously ruled out for offside when the sheer presence of Ryan Sibbons in the home penalty area was too much for LC/DC. The goal should have stood, no doubt about it.

 

Against the run of play, the home side took the lead when a hopeful punt upfield ricocheted cruelly off Craig Carvell to Jonny  Gray whose mis hit shot somehow found its way in.

 

 

Within five minutes the lads from St Chads had the lead. Winger Bigalow turned Darren Hodsoll inside out so many times that he had to buy a ticket to get back in the ground before releasing Wayne Gannon with an exquisite pass. Gannon crashed the ball into the roof of the net in the style of Geoff Hurst in the '66 Cup Final, although there was no controversy about this strike.

 

La Chiesa just were not in it. Maze keeper Ashley Turner had literally NOTHING to do, and at one point was spotted playing cards with equally redundant full back Paul Dixon.

 

The third goal would not have been out of place had it been included in a 'Best of Holland 74 Total Football' video. A throw out from Turner found Dixon, who passed to Carvell. Carvell did a couple of keepy ups before heading to Luke Berry, who played it to Haynes. Haynes passed to Sibbons, who nutmegged Samuel Knowles before backheeling to Gillespie. Gillespie showboated in the style of Ronaldinho, tormenting Iain Gay, then laid the ball to Bigalow. His first time 30 yard crossfield ball with the outside of his boot was perfect for Stoddart, he played in Gannon who set up Steel to apply the finish. Every member of the team did their bit in a move that left many grown men in the crowd in tears due to its majesty. As for the Chiesa players, they could do no more than applaud the Orangemen back into their half - it was THAT good.

 

Danny Steels hat trick goal ws as good but in a different way. Think back to Ricky Villas 82 Cup Final goal versus Man City... this was a better version. Ace goal grabber Steel showing great footwork to dance past eight challenges before slipping the ball past Harris.

 

The game took a momentary turn for the worse when Dennis Peck, clearly offside, hit a shot that was going well wide until it hit a divot on the awful pitch and bobbled in for four-two.

 

At half time, Chiesa could do no more than contemplate the superior technique of their opponents and admire the quality they had in every department.

 

The second half started in much the same way as the the first had ended. All Maze, and they scored a fifth in the 52nd minutes. Wayne Gannon chipped a pass into the centre and there was Steel to launch into an acrobatic scissors kick from fully thirty five yards that flew into the net in the style of Trevor Sinclairs wonder goal for QPR all those years ago. Five-Two!

 

I wouldnt want readers to think that these were the only attacks Maze had during the match. Hell No! It was pretty much non stop free flowing football for ninety minutes and Mark Harris in the Chiesa goal had the game of his life to keep the score down. No, its just that some of the football played was so wonderful I get all excited, and we've run out of Kleenex... best to stick to the necessary.

 

The sixth goal came after Maze had kept the ball for no less than FIFTEEN MINUTES! I kid you not, they had Chiesa chasing after the ball like Gary Glitter would a twelve year old virgin in Vietnam, before Wayne Gannon recieved the ball twenty yards out and JUGGLED it into the back of the net. What a crazy guy!!

 

Maze, by now feeling sorry for their hosts, decided to set up LC/DC for a consolation, Danny Trew's shot was missed by Turner as he attempted to save it by doing a Rene Higuita scorpion kick, and the score was six three. The rest of the Maze team just laughed... LEGENDS!

 

As the ref blew for time, Chiesa formed a guard of honour to see their guests off the pitch, while some of the crowd hoisted Ben Gillespie and Scott Haynes, by far the two most influential players on the pitch, onto their shoulders. A JFK day.. ten years from now, everybody will be able to tell you where they were the day Maze played the perfect game of football.