...a
fuzzy headed Knowles awoke with the enormity of the task he had undertaken yet to hit him. Was he
really going to transform the lads from a ragbag collection of individuals in the boozer into a cohesive unit of finely
tuned athletes? The next week was spent double checking with everyone that it wasn't the drink talking, they were up for the
long haul. They would have to rise from their stupor on those cold winter mornings when the overwhelming temptation is
to stay tucked up in bed, they would have to suffer the nagging from the other half as she was left on her own instead
of having a cosy lie in together listening to Tony Blackburn's Sunday Morning Show, and the crazy Saturday nights in
Chinawhites and Faces would have to be sacrificed by those who were 'between girlfriends'. Everyone agreed - now
to make this pipe dream a reality. The Essex Sunday Corinthian League was offered the honour of accepting United into
their league, and they grabbed the opportunity with both hands in a meeting at the South Ilford Catholic Club in Spring 2003.
A fledgling United team played out a 5-5 draw with Barn Sports in early May, and the website, a Valentines gift from
an ex-girlfriend, set up before the first stumbling block was hit. Part of the Corinthian League's small print was the need
for each team name to be registered with the Essex FA. A routine task you would think, but when Knowles phoned their Chelmsford
HQ, it transpired there was already an outfit with the name 'Hornchurch United'...
SK: 'Oh, dear, what about Hornchurch Athletic?'
FA: 'No'
SK: ' Why not? Is there already a team with that name as well?'
FA: 'No, there are too many teams with the word Hornchurch in their name,
and it gets confusing for our secretary'
SK:'Are you joking? We have to have Hornchurch in our name, it's where we're
all from.'
FA:'I'm sorry, no mention of Hornchurch is allowed'
SK:' Hang on, Hx is short for Hornchurch, we'll be called Hx United'
FA: ' No abbreviations.'
SK:'Why not? What's the problem? We wouldn't be hurting anyone'
FA:'No abbreviations. Why don't you try incorporating
it in another name'
SK:'Hmm.... Ok, I played against a team called Romstar once, I suppose they
had the same problem as us - Romford Stars became Romstar - Is that the kind of thing you mean?'
FA:'That kind of thing, yes.'
SK:'Righto, we'll be The Horn Stars then! Yeah, that has a certain ring
to it - I like it - Horn Stars!'
FA:' No. Sounds too rude'
SK:'JESUS CHRIST!!!!'
...that wasn't a suggestion for a team name, but it would have been knocked back anyway. An
argument developed that we won't go into, and phones were slammed down, but the upshot of the conversation was the
boys had a problem - what were they going to be called? Dozens of names were put forward, several mooted, but none
seemed to fit until a conversation about AC Milan gave them an idea. The official colours of Hornchurch are Red
and Black, and the boys had already agreed to wear the kit of the Rossineri, so when it was remembered that
Milan were formed by an Englishman, Alfred Edwards in 1899 (hence the English name 'Milan' rather than the Italian 'Milano'), the
name that was to become legendary over the next twelve months was considered for the first time. The English/Italian dictionary
in the spare room was dusted down, and the words 'Horn' and 'Church searched for. The results were combined to create
the most mispronounced name in Sunday Morning Football, and La Chiesa Del Corno
(The Church of the Horn) were about to revolutionise the way the beautiful game was played ...
