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Defenders Defend!
Chiesa are banging in the goals left, right, and centre these days, but
there are certain members of the squad that are feeling left out. Recent conversations with Messrs Harris, Soteriou, Hardwick
and Riley have revealed an insecurity amongst the LC/DC rearguard about their contribution to the 'For' column (no goals
between them in a season and a half). Manager Samuel Knowles is not in the least bit concerned at this statistic however,
pointing out Paolo Maldini and the Alessandro's, Nesta & Costacurta, haven't scored a goal for AC MIlan, the inspiration
behind La Chiesa,since 2002/03. Can there really be any better lead to follow than these abslolute legends???? Defenders Defend,
Midfielders Boss, Strikers Strike - End Of! (08.11.04)
Hardwick Confesses: "I've Been Playing For The Other Side!"
La Chiesa Goalkeeper Danny Hardwick stunned his team mates at Fortress
Coopers today when he announced that he had been '...playing for the other side'. The club's Player of the Season for
03/04 had mysteriously disappeared after the defeat at Ladzio in September, only to return on the eve of Sunday's victory
over Barking Colts. "I had been thinking about trying it for some time, and after the Ladzio game, my curiosity got the better
of me" he relayed to his astonished team mates, "I know a lot of the lads would think it a strange thing for me
to do, but it ended up becoming a temptation I just couldn't resist. Although it wasn't for me long term, it was an experience
that I enjoyed immensely, and would recommend wholeheartedly to men of all ages. Yes, I've been playing for the other side,
and I am not ashamed."
Anyone else interested in playing Saturday afternoon football for Mansard
FC should contact Iain or Jon. (10.10.04)
Revenge...
...is a dish best served cold." So said a distant cousin of ours from
Corleone. We have spent almost a year waiting for another crack at Norfolk & Chance, who inflicted a horrific
5-1 defeat on us in our first ever match at Aveley last August, and the date for the rematch has been set. The memory of that
embarassing hammering has been hanging around ever since like a nagging toothache, but the lads are back in
training, fine tuning themselves for the return fixture on 29th August in Chelmsford...and maybe
an end to the pain! (26.07.04)
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It Was Inevitable I Suppose...
Statement from Hornchurch Football Club
Thursday 4th November 2004
Late last evening, the chairman Gary Calder
and manager Garry Hill were informed that there would no longer be the funds available to sustain Hornchurch FC. Players and
staff were issued wage cheques on Tuesday, but these were all stopped.
Gary Calder said, "The party is over and the
rollercoaster ride has come to an end. The club will continue playing football and will compete in the FA Trophy and the FA
Cup. We are absolutely devastated, but trying to sustain a club that has to compete with La Chiesa Del Corno
was always going to be an impossible task".
Manager Garry Hill said "I feel the same as each and every person connected
with this football club. I am empty inside. The league table doesn't lie, we all thought that we could take the club to the
next level. After all it's November and we've only lost one league game. Everyone connected with club, the staff and players
have worked hard and we need the supporters to rally round. But hard work isn't enough when the likes of La Chiesa are
in town playing their unique brand of sexy football"
Coach Kevin Hales said "It's not just the players and
staff, it's their families as well. None of them wanted to play for, or watch, Hornchurch once their heads had been turned
by the glamour of the LC/DC. It's been a really traumatic day and we need 24 hours to clear our heads. Who knows what might
happen, but there might be someone who will come forward and ask to take control of the club. As long as they haven't
heard of bloody La Chiesa."
At the present time, Gary Hill remains the manager of Hornchurch FC.
La Chiesa manager Samuel Knowles expressed sympathy for his rivals' plight before declaring " The public have decided, and
now there really is only one club in The Church of the Horn"
(06.11.04)
It's Back!!!!
They're more eagerly anticipated than the New Year's Honour's List and
now they've arrived! LC/DC fans have been champing at the bit to see their heroes in competitive action and today the
Essex Sunday Corinthian League put them out of their misery by releasing fixtures up to and including October 10th.
We start the season on Setember 12th by entertaining Stonewood at Coopers,
followed by an Italian Derby at league newcomers Ladzio on the 19th. Relegated Maze visit the Fortress on the 26th,
and we start October with a cup match at home to London Cranes. Another team new to the league, Barking Colts, make the journey
to the end of the District Line on the 10th.Here's hoping we start this season more succesfully than the last...(16.08.04)
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Persecution Complexes Are US...
The boys with a thorn in their side
Behind the sexy football there lies
A murderous
desire for justice
How can they look into their inbox
And still they
don't believe me ?
How can they read the emails I send
Still they want to fine me?
And if they don't believe
me now
Will they ever believe me ?
And if they're going to fine me know
Will they ever, they ever, not fine me?
Oh ...
The boys without the league on their side
Behind the banter there
lies
A plundering desire for common
How can they see our league rep Cy
And still they don't believe
us ?
And after all this time
They don't want to believe us
And if they don't believe us now
Will they ever
believe us ?
And when you want some slack
How do you start ?
Where do you go ?
Who do you need to
know ?
Oh ...
Oh no ...
Oh ...
(08.11.04)
Guillem gets his priorites right!
Latest news from our spies in the Sky Sports canteen...after
finishing his daily story about his old club Mallorca, Gerry Armstrong asked our man Guillem what he thought of this summers
transfer activity. Senor Balague's face lit up... 'Well, Jonny Gray will be sorely missed, but Dennis Peck is a veteran
of the Essex Sunday League scene, Steve McCarthy and Dean Jordan will add strength in depth in midfield, and it's good to
see young Bobby O'Toole coming through the ranks and joining the first team squad.' he enthused. When the ex-Norhern
Ireland International mentioned that he was referring to Michael Owen, Jonathan Woodgate et al joining Los Galacticos,
Guillem just shrugged his shoulders... 'Yeah, whatever... ' (27.09.04)
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